


The worst part

by broken_doll_86



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Overthinking, The Royal Navy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 15:18:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6615595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_doll_86/pseuds/broken_doll_86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James remembers his childhood and realizes something about himself. The worst part always was the long wait for him to come home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The worst part

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, PotC doesn't belong to me... obviously... :) Because hello.... Sparrington would be everywhere! XD Have fun reading and don't hesitate to tell me what you think about it...  
> Bye ^.~

He could feel the change within himself for a while now.   
First there were little things that were somehow off. So it wasn’t some world moving change because then he could have prepared himself for what was about to happen.   
Simple as it seemed to be when he first acknowledged it, it just wasn’t that simple. Perhaps he was the worst case of a walking contradiction but even he had his morals. These morals held him upright and kicking during his first battle. And he wouldn’t abandon them for a silly case of attraction.   
He had to hold himself together or he would fall apart and drag his crew along with him to the deepest realms of hell, reserved for hypocrites and sinners.

He was nurtured in the belief that wrongness will be punished.   
His father’s life belonged to the navy and as a consequence his mother and son always came second. His mother suffered from negligence and he himself felt torn between adoring his father for the man he was and hating him for his mother’s sake. He, who always idolized his hard working father, would be the one to solace his weeping mother when once again his father didn’t return home. He remembered the times he himself would wait till deep into the night for his father’s return only to go to bed once again disappointed. He could still feel his mother’s tears upon his shoulders from when he held her until her tired form collapsed against his slightly taller one. He didn’t mind caring for his own flesh and blood because it came to him naturally; he only wished he didn’t have to.   
Only when his poor mother died of a broken heart did he find it within himself to question his father’s motives. He loved his father dearly but still; a big part of him blamed him for his mother’s destiny. So it didn’t come as a surprise when not too soon after her death the relationship between father and son became practically non-existent.   
One of his early childhood memories were the evenings spent with his father where he learned of his father’s greatest dream. Commandeering a fleet of his own.

A couple years later he found himself being midshipman on his first Navy vessel. Once he started to serve on the magnificent “Defiance” and spent his first months at the sea he began to see reason. Sometime during his first night on board he stood behind the railing just whispering to sea and the air surrounding him.  
“Now I see it! I’m sorry father that it took so long for me to understand. All the time that I wasted, all the time we could have been a family. If only I had stopped for just one moment to really listen to you. I’m sorry!”  
It was in that moment where he decided on his road to the future. He would live his father’s dream of commandeering a fleet and he would succeed. He would give anything; do anything to make his dream come true.

And that’s exactly what he did. Then why was it that now that he had everything he had ever wished for he still wasn’t happy?  
Or was he? What is the exact meaning of the word happiness? Is there anyone who will ever really understand the meaning? Is there only one definition of the word or lies therein the complexity?  
So when it wasn’t happiness that he felt deep within himself than what was it?  
At first he couldn’t define the sentiment. The single thing he knew was that it started after the appearance of Captain Jack Sparrow. Only now that it was too late to turn back did he really start to recognize the feelings. There was Satisfaction and even worse love.  
He didn’t know when it happened for it had been a silent progression; he just knew that it was wrong.  
The one thing he should want at this point in his life was a family. A loving wife, 2.5 children maybe even a dog.   
It was wrong to picture out his future the way he did; in freedom at the sea.  
Yet when he thought about his own childhood there was a good chance that it would be better this way. The thought that sometime in the future there would be a son and a wife waiting for his return like his mum and he did for his father’s made him queasy. Maybe for his own good he should remain alone.

Perhaps that was the whole reason for the hostile reaction on his first sight of his very own adversary, Jack Sparrow. He could already feel the change starting to take place when he looked temptation in the eyes. Temptation thy name is Jack Sparrow.  
The first eye contact spoke trouble for him. And he was right.  
He should have been more careful for it was only days into the arrival of Captain Jack Sparrow that he became obsessed with him. First he was obsessed to hang him; later just to have him by his side. In this moment of time he should have already known that he was lost.

Swallowing hard he recalled their first night together. It was a night of passion, hate, anger and desperation all at once. They had fought each other for control and even then it still was passionate lovemaking. Or that’s what he thought. Better yet; that’s what he told himself that night and every other night that followed after.  
Why he didn’t see at once was beyond him as it seems that love literally blinds. For of cause Jack would always be a pirate first and then came the man. He should’ve known it better, yet he wasn’t sure if there even was a possibility to an alternative ending.  
Jack has always been a charming character. Maybe it was his own dormant wildness that felt connected to the untamed pirate. Perhaps it simply was his free spirit that piqued his interest. One way or another he wasn’t at all certain that it was just the pirate’s fault.

Suddenly out of nowhere a pair of strong, muscular arms wrapped themselves around his waist. Instantly the heat of the other’s body hit his back and a slow, gentle smile spread itself over his lips. He knew he was helplessly lost. With a heaving sigh he closed his eyes and willingly surrendered himself to his silent assailer.  
The smell that hit his sensitive nose combined with the body heat in his back weakened his knees, for it was a mixture of the sea and an indescribable scent that was purely Jack. Without another thought he tipped his head sideways to make room for the silky pair of lips that connected themselves to his throat just a few seconds later.  
“Hi lovely! How’s it going? You seemed to be awfully far away. You didn’t even react to my calling your name.”  
With the words out in the open his instincts started to kick in. His mind screamed at him to get rid of this nuisance that would be his certain downfall but his body disagreed, trembled under the soft and loving touches of his very enemy.  
He wanted it; craved every touch of this magnificent entity with every fibre of his very being. James took notice that by every taken breathe his mind grew more and more distant with an alarming speed.  
His weakened knees couldn’t carry his weight any longer and he just knew that Jack would be there to catch him. Yet he also knew that, because to him everything was a game, Jack wouldn’t do anything unless begged to. So he did.  
“Jack… Please… I… I need… I just can’t…”  
James was at a loss for words. He couldn’t even form a single, simple sentence to express his longings and needs. He was a nervous wreck and there wasn’t anything to do about it. Pleasure swept over his body like a giant wave at the sea that took away even the tiniest resistance upon his mind. He fell; couldn’t hold on any longer and took a plunge into the deep, dark sea born out of his own unfulfilled desire.   
“Jack… I can’t take it anymore. I need you! Please don’t let me wait any longer…”  
He practically felt the feisty grin building itself upon Jacks lips against his neck and relaxed. Now that Jack had him begging everything would turn out alright.

One moment he stood at the window looking out at the sea and the next found him pinned to the wall. His gasp of surprise and pain was instantly swallowed by hungry, passionate lips. They bit, swallowed and pleasured him in every way possible way until his knees decided to give away for good. However before he could embarrass himself any further meaning his behind meeting with the uncomfortable, solid ground one of Jacks strong knees slid in between his slightly parted, trembling thighs.  
He groaned out loud as his arousal was increased enormously. He felt the heat spreading throughout his entire body until it crawled along his neck onto his face. Trying to hide the deepening blush he turned his face away; that is before Jack took a firm hold of his chin and tilted it up.  
A warm chuckle was all the warning he got in advance to Jack lunging forward attacking his throat with hot, possessive lips.  
Precisely the moment his legs caved in Jack swept him up in his arms, forced his legs around his hips and carried him towards the bed. With an impatient grunt Jack placed his precious cargo in the middle of the mattress where James landed in a boneless heap unable to move a single limb. Heavy eyelids surrendered to the lust and passion that surged throughout his body whilst his hands fluttered uselessly all over the place only to be stopped by a strong grip on his wrists. Feebly he tried to fight it; tried to escape the sturdy grip that confined him to the futon.   
It was entirely useless.  
Meanwhile Jack took the chance and lowered his whole body atop James’ forcing his legs apart. Immediately after James felt the body of his lover upon his own his whole frame quivered resembling a lightning strike; unable to help himself his body reared up to welcome him like a long missed piece of the puzzle. Biting his lips to keep himself as mute as possible the only sound that left his mouth was a tiny, whimpering moan.  
Half dizzy with the intense pleasure that seemed to rip him to pieces he was unaware of the wandering hands until it was too late.  
With a strong tug of urgent fingers his pants were pulled all the way down his trembling legs exposing him to eager exploring digits. The very instant the pants were gone Jack didn’t wait any longer. He practically ripped his own clothes off and lunged forward before James even realized this newly state of undress. As fast as humanly possible Jack was atop him the fiery glow in his eyes affecting him in ways that left him terrified.  
James wanted to say something; wanted to urge him on telling him how much he needed him. Yet before he could even utter a single syllable Jack sprang into action. Once more he forced James legs apart and positioned himself at his entrance.  
“Shush darling… we wouldn’t want anyone waking up to your screaming.” The grin that went along with the sentence unsettled him as much as the previous look on Jacks face.  
Once the sentence was out two things happened simultaneously. First Jacks lips sealing his mouth to hinder any sound from materializing and the second and foremost; he thrust upwards into the awaiting body under his own and didn’t stop till he was settled deep within the silky warmth that was James. The latter couldn’t hold on any longer as he released a high-pitched scream of pain combined with pleasure that was swallowed by the lips of his opponent the moment it left James mouth.  
Jack filled him up like no one ever had and touched that one point within him that had him seeing stars. As soon as Jack was fully settled within his firm body, his movements stilled. To get himself under control once again, he took a taste of James sweaty forehead, biting the reddened full lips that just begged to be ravaged.  
The tight passage that was purely James nearly took all of his strength away and without realizing; he loosened his hold upon James wrists. As soon as the hold on him broke away he took the chance und ripped his arms free only to drape them around Jacks strong back.  
“God Jack… please just move! I can’t… I need you to move… oh god! Please don’t make me beg you…” And then Jack stirred.  
Every thrust was faster and harder than the last one and all James could do was hanging on for dear life. Sometimes Jack pulled all the way out only to thrust hard back inside making his whole body arch upwards. James was on sensation overload that had him on the brink unconsciousness. He tried hard to go along with his pursuer’s rhythm of movements yet he held him fast; only shoving in deeper and harder without an ounce of warning. Every forwards motion shook him to the core, every withdrawal took his breathe away.  
With ever shove James neared his orgasm. A few very hard, deep thrusts later he shattered.   
His passage convulsed around Jack whilst his whole body shuddered in relief.  
Barely a few seconds later he heard a satisfied growl above him and felt Jacks cum fill up his tight clenching hole.  
One last time James body jerked upwards to receive Jacks sperm deep within him before he blacked out.

He never felt how Jack pulled out of his limp body; didn’t feel the coldness left behind as he settled himself behind James back, spooning him.  
Yet the very moment Jack closed his eyes James opened his.  
As silently as possible he cried. He cried for his very soul; for his broken dreams and he cried for the immense disgust he felt for himself. His body shook slightly with the felt grieve that began to sneak slowly out of his soul, but Jack stayed asleep.  
James barley lasted an hour before he was too exhausted to stay awake any longer.  
His night was very short so once he became aware of his surroundings he still was half asleep. And just like every time after Jacks visit, even before his hand wandered to the other side of the mattress, he knew that it would be cold to the touch. The cruel but sure sign that Jack left a long time ago.  
Once again he was left wondering what it was that Jack felt for him.   
In just a few hours he would have to get up to start his day but for now he just wanted to stay in bed wondering about his future.

He remembered the few times he tried to talk about his problems with anyone, yet therein laid the very first problem. Who could he trust with this rather intimate information and who was out of question?  
First there were the Turners. He couldn’t expect any help from there for they were too infatuated with Jack. They wouldn’t be able to see past the image of the sweet and freedom seeking pirate.  
Andrew was too naïve and ambitious to even talk about Captain Jack Sparrow.  
Now Teddy Groves was another pair of shoes because he seemed to know something. But if he looked back it was kind of obvious that he too was in awe of the legend going by the name Jack Sparrow.  
Nobody would really understand him. He had no one to hold on to; no one who could tell him to hang in there and that everything would end well.  
He had nobody waiting at home for him. Nobody was there to witness all those week moments where simply fell apart.  
He was cursing and screaming; was in the middle of destroying his entire bedroom before he finally came to his senses. He’d drive himself insane someday and then he would still be all alone in the end.

That’s when he realized it. First there were the uneasy feelings about the change going on inside him; then this breakdown in the safety of his home.  
All those familiarities and he hadn’t grasped it sooner.  
He trembled, blinked away the tears that hung upon his eyelids like a guillotine. What a fool he’d been. He should have seen it coming, and all of it because of Jack Sparrow.  
Suddenly with a violent explosion his frustration coupled with the anger, misery and self-hatred broke through the surface.  
He just stood there in the middle of his demolished bedroom and screamed. He cried for his mother; for her destiny and for his.  
His entire body shook and trembled with such intensity that his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer.  
The next instant he grabbed onto glass nearby and threw it with all his might towards the mirror in the corner of his room that miraculously lived through his former breakdown. The mirror that dared to mock him with the picture of a broken man now lay in pieces on the ground. Fragments of it scattered all about the place.  
Yet the worst part of it:  
He just knew that he couldn’t stay away from the entity that was Jack Sparrow. He could just as well dig his own grave and rest in it.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked the story. I always felt that James is repressing some serious troubling thoughts in that beautiful head of his... ;) This story is kind of old... I just found it again on my computer and thought, what the h***, just post it. So leave a comment if you like... ^^ Until we meet again... XD


End file.
